I'm not alone

Day 2 of blogging. I wasn't sure about this at first but I got some comments that give me the strength to move on with our story...

My husband, Matt had his first surgery September 2007 it was a discectomy and laminectomy  on his L5 S1 (lower spine). The surgeon didn't make it sound like it would be a terible recovery and he would be on his feet in no time. I truely wish that was the case but it wasn't. I mean he had a spinal surgery! The VA, the Army everyone blew it off.
Which reminds me of one day when I was reading over his Medical Record from the Army while waiting at one of his many doctor's appointment after the Army discharged him at 0% disability. I started crying, because there it was, him clearly trying to seek help for his back and they did nothing, gave him an injection and some pills and moved him a long. When orders for deployment came down he was told he had to sign a waiver in order to continue his mission to Iraq with his fellow soldiers.
He doesn't talk about much, about when he was gone and frankly I have never asked. I couldn't even imagne everything he saw, went through and was asked to do.
After his first surgery he was supposed to go to physical therapy 4 days a week, but he couldn't drive and we couldn't afford for me to take him. Everyone we knew had a day job and no one could take him to his treatment. We told the office this, we told the VA, we told the hospital and no in home therapy suggestions;  we got just a shrug. I mean, we had already had to ask for help with our rent because he couldn't work and I think I was making around $10.50 an hour to support all of us. And since he claimed his VA benefits we had to pay back his servence from the US ARMY, so to say the least, we were living tight. There was no budget just prayers.
During his first recovery we fought a lot. He was so angry. Angry at everthing and everyone. He never hit me or anyone else, but it was in his eyes and his emotions. He is a good man. He used to be such a happy fun loving guy. Now, he is high most of the time from all the pills. He can barely even function. Talk about stress! I'll probably stop there tonight with my extremely long blog. Sorry..


FYI:
I saw the comments from the last post and I will replying tonight or tomorrow, sorry :( hopefully all tonight. We saved a little money and my husband is going to visit a very good old army roommate. It's amazing seeing these set of guys together. The bond this group of four has is something I've never seen.  I can't go, only enough for him to go. I think it will be good for my husband and his fellow veteran/army family. They lived together in the barracks went over seas together, they were inseparable. To be honest I'm sad, worried, happy and relieved all at the same time. I know this doesn't make me a bad person or a bad wife, because I love my husband and I would do anything for him. But being a caregiver like I have had to be it's like my first born going away to college 2,000 miles away. If you live in the Saint Louis, MO area and would interested in forming a group please let me know, my email is michelle.n.wade@gmail.com until tomorrow.